Hello there Shire’s of Victoria Plains, Dandaragan, and Moora.

Below is something a tad to the left of previous posts, why, well essentially I haven’t finished the piece I was hoping to post; to my satisfaction at least. Hence, here is something I have had published elsewhere previously. It is no more than a bit of fun, my hope being that it may bring a smile to all at the end of what, for me at least, has been a long and hot Tuesday. We had a snake on our front lawn incidentally.

More importantly, tomorrow is Remembrance Day. Lest we forget.

So, without further ado, enjoy!

I realise that not many of you may not have been there, but for those that have lived in Moora, Western Australia, you will know how unusual this is.

They actually had a Curry Cook-off competition about last September.  It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the Moora Agricultural Show.

Judge #3 was an inexperienced food critic named Nathaniel, who was visiting from his wifes home town of New Norcia, located in Western Australia.

Nathaniel: “Recently, I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a Curry Cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table asking for directions to the Beer Garden when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Natal Indians) that the curry wouldn’t be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted”.

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CURRY # 1 – SEELAN’S MANIAC MONSTER TOMATO CURRY…

Judge # 1 — A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge # 2 — Nice smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.

Judge # 3 (Nathaniel) — Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with it.

Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that’s the worst one. These people are crazy.

CURRY #2 – PHOENIX BBQ CHICKEN CURRY…

Judge # 1 — Smoky, with a hint of chicken. Slight chilli tang.

Judge # 2 — Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more chilli’s to be taken seriously.

Judge # 3 — Keep this out of the reach of children. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre! They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

CURRY # 3 – SHAMILA’S FAMOUS “BURN DOWN THE GARAGE” CURRY…

Judge # 1 — Excellent firehouse curry. Great kick.

Judge # 2 — A bit salty, good use of chilli.

Judge # 3 — Call 000. I’ve located a uranium pill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drain Cleaner. Everyone knows the routine by now.   Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I’m getting pissed from all the beer.

CURRY# 4 – BABOO’S BLACK MAGIC BEAN CURRY…

Judge # 1 — Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Judge # 2 — Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a curry.

Judge # 3 — I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Shareen, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 200kg woman is starting to look HOT…just like this nuclear waste I’m eating! Is chilli an aphrodisiac?

CURRY # 5 LALL’S LEGAL LIP REMOVER…

Judge # 1 — Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne chilli’s freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge # 2 — Average beef curry, could use more tomato. Must admit the use of  chilli makes a strong statement.

Judge # 3 — My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chilli had given me brain damage.  Shareen saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the jug. I wonder if I’m burning my lips off. It is really starting to shit me that the other judges keep asking me to stop screaming. Bugger’em!

CURRY # 6 – VERISHNEE’S VEGETARIAN VARIETY…

Judge # 1 — Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of spices and chillis.

Judge # 2 — The best yet. Aggressive use of chillis, onions, and garlic. Superb.

Judge # 3 — My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. I am definitely going to shit myself if I fart and I’m worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except sweet, sweet Shareen.  I can’t feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my arse with a snow cone.

CURRY # 7 – SELINA’S “MOTHER-IN-LAW’S-TONGUE” CURRY…

Judge # 1 — A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned chilli’s.

Judge # 2 — Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chilli’s at the last moment. (I should take note at this stage that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably).

Judge # 3 — You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn’t feel a thing. I’ve lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least, during the autopsy, they’ll know what killed me. I’ve decided to stop breathing- it’s too painful. Screw it; I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air I’ll just suck it in through the 17cm hole in my stomach.

CURRY# 8 – NAIDOO’S TOENAIL CURLING CURRY…

Judge # 1 — The perfect ending. This is a nice blend curry. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge # 2 — This final entry is a good, balanced curry. Neither mild nor hot.  Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself.

Not sure if he’s going to make it. Poor man, wonder how he’d have reacted to really hot curry?

Judge # 3 – No Report.

So, there you have it! Boom, boom! Click the smaller picture above, as is the norm, I have embedded something appropriate to the curry story within.

Huzzah!

N.

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