Kill it with fire

Cat milk



“If you are going to find her, and you are going to find her,” stated a fire eyed Death, “you’ll need to head to the local library. I should start with mythology local to the British Isles. From there, try the children’s section and see what you can make of the fairy tales they have in stock. It may even pay to see what the brothers Grimm have to say.”


“Surely, as she is a few centuries away, couldn’t we just rely on the memories of the locals of the time?” queried Cat. “There are bound to be people here now in The Now that could point us in the best direction right now?”


“No my dear, you are forgetting the rules of The Now” answered Death. “What is happening a few centuries ago here, is actually happening right now.”


“Ah, pardon?” said Bast, wearing confusion the way a hand wears a glove.


“Ok dears, let me try again.” continued Death. “When you crossed from The Then to The Now, I told you to find the place in time and space that you most wanted to be in, and you would be bound to it, just as you are now to Paris in 1897.”


“Right?” said Cat.


“So, right now, everything we are doing is happening, well, right now. Is it not?” explained Death. “So right now, centuries ago, she is raining hell on all around her. The catch is, that as this is The Now, not The Then, time doesn’t move as it once had. 1897 Paris, will remain 1897 Paris forever whilst you are bound to it. Yet we are fully aware that time has continued far beyond 1897. For all we know, there is a writer typing away in a cafe called Jeanne d’Moore, on the 10th of August, in 2016. And because it is happening as I speak, it can only be correct.”


“Bloody hell, that’s clever!” said Bast. “Although, in retrospect, if people weren’t bound to a time and a place, there wouldn’t be enough space for everyone to fit. That really is bloody clever Death, whose idea was that?”


“Thank you. Mine dear.” chirped Death.


“So, hang on, everything that is happening centuries ago hasn’t happened yet because time, whilst relative, ultimately remains relative geographically, as opposed to chronologically?” slowly said Cat, the enormity of the situation finally taking hold. “So in that case, the only things that can be learnt from a time in a place, physically need to be removed from that place and time, and delivered to another. Not as an on going history?”


“Yes! Well done lass! You could have been a Japanese scientist the way you harpooned that metaphorical whale.”


“I can’t believe I hadn’t considered it before!” continued Cat.


“Now ladies, do you have any questions?” said Death ignoring her.


“Ok, so once we find her, what do we do with her? Tie her up? Hang her? Hand her over to the fashion police because of that horrible bloody cape she wears? What?” asked Cat.


“Well, here’s the plan………………………….” explained Death.


“Christ on a bike!” exclaimed Bast ten minutes later. “Can we actually do that?”


“You most certainly can my lovelies. Oh, by the way, Gentle Annis is no more. ‘Black Annis’ has filled those boots.”


Half an hour on, Death’s Volksy coughed into life, spluttering away to be home in time to catch ‘The Vicar of Dibley’.

Maude didn’t spare the horses.
“Shit.” remarked Bast looking at Cat, wondering what the hell she had just committed too.


Click the cat above. There is a bit of a language warning with this one.



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